Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
