Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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