shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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