I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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