Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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