I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
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I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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