how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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