Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
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I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
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because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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