Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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