i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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