those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
