Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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