She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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