Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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