So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
