The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
