Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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