I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
