i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
