I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
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SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
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You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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