Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
