Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
