Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
