Got a toothbrush?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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