Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
