I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Randomize
