sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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