spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
