If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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