i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my shit smells like andre
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
