I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
