I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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