and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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