I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
