true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
