oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
