I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
