And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
