I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
