I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Drunk walkin through police station. America
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
