I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
