did you get engaged???
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
