Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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