Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
