I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I am one with the molecules
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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