every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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