I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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