Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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