In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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