After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well