everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
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Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
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Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"