a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
