I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
