i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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