i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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