That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
