What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
