We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
