The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
