I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
