I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
