new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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