didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
