Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
