Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
