We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
