Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Bring me that man meat
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
