Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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