I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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