Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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