All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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