we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
