just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
