You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
