Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
