Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
