I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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