omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
