She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
