so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
did you just send me my own nude
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Randomize
