She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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