I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
